The Ultimate Sacrifice for Expats is Time — Too Foreign For Home

The second stage of my trip back to the United States has begun with my arrival in North Carolina. A little over two week’s time with my side of the family was a welcome reintroduction to America, a familiar setting to ease into my return. Now, a family reunion and baby shower with my wife’s side in a familiar place with unfamiliar people. And for some reason, it all makes me think of one the undiscussed sacrifices that expats make.

Traveling around the world is exciting and I get to experience places that I would never have thought of growing up. Europe, the Middle East, and Southeast Asia, with more to come, are regions of the worlds I thought out of reach. So, when presented with the opportunity to go abroad, I jumped at the chance. I didn’t think about what I would end up trading those experiences for.

What I realized later was that I lost out on major family events, like births and funerals. I missed out on taking part in holiday traditions and celebrations. All the fun and experiences that I had in place of these can seem to outweigh those sacrifices, but it’s a bit different when you think about it in a different manner. What I realized later was that I sacrificed time.

Time, like land and Burger King Cini Minis, is something that there never seems to be enough of. Every second spent abroad is one that could have been spent with family in your home country. Every holiday, a lost opportunity to form new shared memories. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say I lost out on what I spent my time on instead of the time itself, but the result is the same regardless.

I don’t want to make it sound as though I begrudge my tenure as an expat. I am certainly not one to complain about the wonderful things that I have been able to do in my time abroad. But after spending some time home, I’ve realized that what could have happened in that time not only applies to the expat, but those who missed that person’s presence.

For example, it was made apparent to me that my opinion is taken very seriously among my family at home. I’m not around often, so when I do come home to visit and decide that I need to speak up about something, it’s usually heeded. The key to that situation is that I have to come home to impart that influence. Being nearly two years without that voice can have undesired effects on family dynamics.

Then there’s the example of missing out on my grandmothers’ funerals. Both my mother and father lost their mothers while I was abroad, with me unable to come home due to budget or travel constraints. In a time of family tragedy, I wasn’t able to be there to lend comfort or reassurance. Again, I lost out because of my expat lifestyle.

The recency-bias of being home may be playing a part in thinking about time spent away, but it’s something I thought about before. Even with all that being said, though, I will still be getting on a plane for Morocco in August. This is the life I have chosen to live and it’s ok to recognize some of the drawbacks. It doesn’t make the sacrifice easier, but it does make that time all the more special.

Originally published at https://tooforeignforhome.com on June 28, 2021.